This is a...

... guy who's going to be retardedly famous. I say famous because he's retardedly talented with film making and screenplay writting (not simply retarded as the picture may suggest).

Everybody has that one friend who is "going places". And regardless of whether they work at Best Buy, the local video store or the top floor of the financial building, you know that out of all your friends this is the one person who's going to go on to win friends and influence them in ways you thought was only capable by Carribbean Psychics with their own 900 numbers.

But I realize that not everyone's as lucky as I am to have a friend who's as clear cut a "meal ticket" as my buddy Shiggs here. So here's a little visual demonstrationbased on the above photo so you can possibly pick out your own "ride to easy street".

1. Oversized Glasses

Is that Bono? No it's my good friend Shiggy.

Your prospective meal ticket must demonstrate aptitude in the

"Act As If" department.

Cause if they act like a rock star and look like a rock star, they probably aren't but when was the last time that mattered? (bonus points for smelling like a rock star)

2. Custom T Shirts

I was going to call this a phase but the fact of the matter is, the cool, retro tee shirt

that either looks like it's been around forever or looks like it's one of only 4 worldwide has and always will be cool. Your meal ticket should have an ample supply of cool looking tee's with obscure graphics with even more obscure meanings or cryptic texts referencing locations and/or events you and the rest of the "common folk" will never live to experience like, "Ernie's Shrimp Shack" or "I heart Delaware". (Odds are, your friend hasn't experienced it either but hey, he's got the tee shirt, you don't.)

3. Long Hair

If you have to ask why, you don't deserve your meal ticket.

Get to the back of the line...

4. Media Recording Devices

Now let me qualify this one. If your prospective meal ticket always has the recording device in hand, move on and find another target. That person isn't destined for fame, only for a long stint in the therapists chair since they obviously have some very deep seeded social insecurity issues that are going to manifest at a later date in some pretty nasty ways. Rather, the true meal ticket is one that produces the camcorder/camera in random and seemingly innocuous occaisions only to produce pure gold from them later.

5. Throng of People Always in the Background

... might have to work on that one a bit.

The moral of this post is, that was far too much effort just to see if one particular person reads this blog.